Cross Creek Community Church, Pastor Dave Martin Feb 14, 2010

“Relational Love”

Valentine’s Day, 1Jn 4:7-8

• Welcome to Cross Creek, we’re glad you’re here… Happy Valentine’s Day!
• In 1965 Jackie DeShannon (later Deon Warwick) popularized a song:  What the world needs now is love, sweet love.  It's the only thing that there's just too little of… No not just for some but for everyone...
• Over the years millions of books, articles, cards, songs came about because of this thing called love
• Love is a hot topic in today’s world. A search on Google returned 1,410,000,000 hits in .13 seconds
• Amazon.com showed over 203,000 books on the subject of love... thousands of songs written about love…

• The Beetle sang, “All you need is love, love… love is all you need…”  But what is love? Oliver Wendell Holmes said "Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness." “Relational Love”…
• Today is Valentine’s Day where there will be 250 million V cards bought and given…  Couples Falling in love… with over 2.3 million marriages per year / 6,200 per day… spending $72B/year (as of 2010)

• LOVE… go on the internet and plug your names into the lovecalculator.com to see your compatibility…
• I entered Cathy & my names and found we had a 94% chance for a successful marriage (going on 38 yrs)
• The title to the message is “Relational Love”… man was made for relationships… Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."

What is Love?

Is it Affection? Is it Devotion? Is it Fondness? Is it Infatuation? Is it Tender Feelings?  Is it Intense Desire? Is it Sexual Passion? Is it Emotional Attachment? Is it Deep Attraction?... Just what is love?

• We often think love is an ocean of emotion, a quiver in my liver, goose-bumps on my goose-bumps – an emotion I can't handle… Love does cause feelings… but love is not a feeling.  It's much more.
• The English word love is very broad, hence there are many misconceptions of what love really is.

Ancient Greeks used primarily four different words to describe Love:

• “Storge” a Parent – Child Love
• “Philos” a Friendship – Brotherly Love (we get philosophy & philanthropy, love of fellow man)
• “Eros” a Romantic – Sensual Sexual Love (we get the English word ‘erotic’ – physical attraction)
• “Agape” a Sacrificial, Unconditional – Demonstrated Love

                        (Agape was used very little in Greek writings but quite extensively in the N.T.)

• Agape Love is not feelings…  when we hear phrases like “we just can't handle it, with no control over it”.  "I can't help it, I just fell into love" or "I just don't love her anymore" – Love is not uncontrollable, we will see that love is a choice we make.
• You will find the word love in the NIV translation of the Bible over 550 times… where we learn truth… 
• Jesus taught us about love… He lived a life of love and died on the cross because of His love for us.

1. Agape Love is…

• True Love that originates with God.

1 John 4:7-8 ⁷ Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

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  • The very essence of who God is: He is LOVE… Agape Love comes Him
  • Agape love is self-sacrificing… God so loved (agape) the world – He gave His Son at Calvary (die)

• Based on the commitment of a decision

John 14:15 "If you love me, you will obey what I command.

Luke 6:27 "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,

Jeremiah 31:3b "…I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.”

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  • Agape love focuses on the will not the emotions… Jesus commands us to love your enemies…
  • Just as God is infinite in Holiness, He is infinite in Love… supernatural, beyond comprehension
  • He has chosen to love us with an everlasting love… nothing you can do will ever change that…
  • Agape love is an act we choose to make… (Wedding vows, the depth of your commitment)

• Unique with No Substitutes

1 Cor. 13:1-3 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

True Agape Love is NOT…

• Eloquence – Able to speak all sort of languages as the greatest orator or spokesman or even to speak with the eloquence of an angel... I’m nothing without agape love. 
• Prophecy – Able to proclaim or teach God’s Word in the greatest way... I’m nothing without agape love.
• Knowledge – Able to understand mysteries, divine understanding, factual human knowledge about the universe, comprehending everything... I’m nothing without agape love.
• Faith – Able to trust God in confidence and expectation, to move mountains (not speaking of saving faith)... I’m nothing without agape love.
• Benevolence – Able to give all I possess (philio), sacrificially... I’m nothing without agape love.
• Martyrdom – Able to be executed by being burned alive at the stake... I’m nothing without agape love.

Our culture confuses Love and Lust… (Secular society is void of agape love)

• Agape Love is unselfish, Lust is self-centered
• Agape Love is directed to others, lust is directed toward ourselves
• Agape Love is supernatural, lust is natural… sensual, sexual, erotic type of love

1. The true meaning of love, as defined in the Bible, has been corrupted in the common usage of our English language and society…

    o   If we “philio” love and we have an argument… our friendship of love has just evaporated…

    o   If we “eros” love, physically ‘fallen’ in love… wrong word spoken – entire evening and maybe the whole relationship is blown apart… (Here today, gone tomorrow…)

    o   Whereas “agape” love is self-sacrificing, unconditional… a commitment of decision, type of love

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

2.  A Relationship is simply a demonstrated Connection… “Relational Love”

We are surrounded by relationships… Between friends, co-workers, marriage spouses, children, family members, social groups, neighbors, church, God… 

• That’s the way God created us… with a built in desire to be loved and in a relationship

In a business study conducted a few years ago, more than 2,000 employers were asked, "For the last three persons dismissed from your business, why did you let them go?" The pollsters were surprised by the results. Two out of every three fired employees -- regardless of the type of business or region of the country -- were dismissed for the same reason: they couldn't get along with other people.

• Relationships make or break us… Some are good while others are hurtful or bad… build up/down

From the quality of our family time to our interactions at work, our relationships are largely responsible for our success or failure. To be a success in life, you must learn to get along with people.  Well, I don't know about you, but after 58 years of life on this earth, I've come to a conclusion: Getting along with other people just isn't that easy.

It's not easy as a spouse to live in harmony with your other half. It takes a lot of work.

It's not easy to be a parent who really understands and communicates with your kids. It takes a lot of work.

It's not easy to be a friend when it seems your trust is always being violated.  It takes a lot of work.

Not easy to get along with a grumpy boss or picky in-laws or a selfish family members… it takes a lot of work.

Relationships are hard. Begin loving God, yourself and others with an “agape” love…

I read about a farmer who had a nagging mother in-law. He had made a genuine effort to be friendly to her, but it was to no avail. She kept nagging at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice and generally making life miserable and unbearable.

One day she made an unannounced visit and immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer silently disgusted did his duty. As they were walking through the barn, the mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head, "no" and mumble a reply.

Curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what it was all about. The farmer replied, "The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'Can I borrow that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'No. It's already booked up for a year.'"

• Healthy Relationships are built upon True Agape Love

Colossians 3:12-14 ¹² Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³ Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

• It doesn't matter how wealthy you are, how famous, or how many things you have in life.
• If your relationships are bad, life is miserable – your happiness is largely determined by your ability to get along with other people… Bible speaks about building a relationship to God and to others…
• God tells us to “clothe yourselves” with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, forgiveness and to “put on agape love” which binds these virtues all together…  JUST DO IT…

• Relational Love is seen in Actions NOT Feelings

If we wait to feel love you will never experience it.  Love is a concept you exercise – the more you exercise love the stronger it will become… Agape Love is Active not Passive - Choose to Love!

• A continuing commitment based on a decision to love… NOT Feelings of storge, philos, eros…
• Our families are under attack… According to the Barna Research Group, 26 percent of evangelical Christians have experienced divorce… we’re all flawed, our relationships need work…
• If love is an action then love is something we can choose.  We can choose to agape love!

Wife Who Wanted A Divorce

Newspaper columnist and Pastor George Crane tells of a wife who came into his office full of hatred toward her husband. “I do not only want to get rid of him, I want to get even. Before I divorce him, I want to hurt him as much as he has me.

Dr. Crane suggested an ingenious plan “Go home and act as if you really love your husband. Tell him how much he means to you. Praise him for every decent trait. Go out of your way to be as kind, considerate, and generous as possible. Spare no efforts to please him, to enjoy him. Make him believe you love him. After you’ve convinced him of your undying love and that you cannot live without him, then drop the bomb. Tell him that you’re getting a divorce. That will really hurt him.”

With revenge in her eyes, she smiled and exclaimed, “Beautiful, beautiful. Will he ever be surprised!”

And she did it with enthusiasm. Acting “as if.”

For two months she showed love, kindness, listening, giving, reinforcing, sharing.

When she didn’t return, Crane called. “Are you ready now to go through with the divorce?”

“Divorce?” she exclaimed. “Never! I discovered I really do love him.”

• Her actions had changed her feelings. Motion resulted in emotion.
• The ability to love is established not so much by fervent promise as often repeated deeds.
• Relational Love is seen in agape actions not philos/eros feelings… Be authentic and choose to love

1 John 3:18 Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

Bringing it all together…

• Actively Loving God Flows out to ALL other Relationships… “Relational Love”

1 John 5:2 This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands.

Mark 12:30-31 ³⁰ Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' ³¹ The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."

1. In the truest sense we really can’t “agape love” without a relationship with Jesus Christ…
2. If our relationship with the Lord is strained… relationships around you will be strained too…
3. Obeying God’s command to Love Him supremely will flow out to loving your neighbor also
4. Recipe for a happy home is to build your relationships on true “agape” love…

Honestly think through these questions…

• How are my relationships?  Good / Problematic… Hot / Cold…  
• Do I love God Supremely?  How deep is your spirituality?  Growing spiritually?  Obeying Him?
• What is the “evidence” for my love for God?  Good relationships… Chose/decide to love Him more

1 Corinthians 8:3 But the man who loves God is known by God.

1. 1        John 4:19 We love because he first loved us.

NOW WHAT?   Get a clean slate with God…  “Agape” God Supremely…  Let God’s Love “Flow” thru You

Let’s Pray…

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