James Dobson said, “Child rearing is like baking a cake. You don’t realize you have a disaster until it’s too late.” Hence this series, hopefully it’s not too late in your family.
Pastor Dave Martin ~ Cross Creek Community Church ~ Feb 18, 2007
“Children”
Family series Part 3
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James Dobson said, “Child rearing is like baking a cake. You don’t realize you have a disaster until it’s too late.” Hence this series, hopefully it’s not too late in your family. |
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With over 1,260 choices of shampoo, 2,000 skin care products, or 75 exercise shoes! Choices… |
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Every choice demands more time and brings mounting stress levels into our families. |
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The family is living in a deluge of information – we’re drowning in choices, activities, & possessions. |
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We never catch up – bigger, better, faster, greater, newer model, better features, which leads to the feeling of being overwhelmed, exhausted, defeated, stressed out. Let alone driving to work everyday (snowstorms, icy roads, flat tires…) average worker commutes 157,600 miles/lifetime / 6X around earth |
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In the book, “Time Pressures of the 90’s” found 77% people surveyed selected “spending time with family and friends” as their top priority. Yet families never seem to achieve this worthy goal. In fact in homes with teenagers the father spends less than 15 minutes per week in interaction with them… the tough teen years - Mark Twain speaking on raising children once said, “When they become teenagers put them in a barrel and feed them through the knot hole. When they turn sixteen, stop up the knot hole!” |
Luke 2:52 And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.
A Healthy Child Grows…
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Intellectually (Wisdom)
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Physically (Stature)
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A Letter To Roman Senate
The following is a translation of a letter sent by Publius Lentulus to the Roman Senate during the Roman empire period.
“There appeared in these days a man of great virtue, named Jesus Christ, who is yet among us; of the Gentiles accepted for a prophet of truth; but his disciples call him the Son of God. He raiseth the dead, and cureth all manner of disease. A man of stature somewhat tall and comely, with a very reverend countenance, such as the beholder must both love and fear.
“His hair the color of a chestnut full ripe, plain to the ears, whence, downward, it is more orient, curling and waving about his shoulders. In the midst of his forehead is a stream or partition of his hair, after the manner of the Nazarites; forehead plain and very delicate; his face without spot or wrinkle, beautiful, with a lovely red; his nose and mouth so forked as nothing can be represented; his beard thick, in color like his hair, not over long; his look innocent and mature; his eyes gray, quick, and clear.
“In reproving, he is terrible; in admonishing, courteous and fair-spoken; pleasant in conversation, mixed with gravity. It cannot be remembered that any have seen him laugh, but many have seen him weep; in proportion of body most excellent; his hands and arms delectable to behold; in speaking, very temperate, modest and wise; a man of singular beauty, surpassing the children of men.”
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Spiritually (Favor with God) |
o “Favor” – acceptable, gracious, Jesus grew in pleasure with God. (Child needs Salvation)
o Children has an enormous spiritual need, they will not learn to love God naturally.
o They must be taught truth or they will never grow spiritually at all… spiritual ignorance.
o God has set children under their parents authority as safeguard to keep them from going astray
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Socially (Favor with men) |
o Acceptable with people around Him... tradition says He was an excellent oxen yoke maker.
o Children need to learn basic social graces… totally self-centered when they are born.
o Their only concern is for themselves… feed me, take care of me, help me… or I will cry /scream
o Preoccupied with themselves… sometimes this attitude changes little as they grow older.
o Submission & obedience to the parents is the first step toward maturity and growing socially.
Christian parenting provides the greenhouse environment for the healthy growth of children!
Three essentials that successful parenting hinges upon…
If parents would do these next three things… you will be reasonably successful in child-rearing
As Parents…
1. Constantly Teach your children the Truth of God’s Word. (Pew Bible page 130, Deut 6:4-12)
Deuteronomy 6:7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
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We saw this last week - “Impress” – teach, speak truth over & over till your children finally “get it”… |
Deuteronomy 6:4-8 4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Deuteronomy 6:9-12 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.10 When the LORD your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you--a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, 11 houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant--then when you eat and are satisfied, 12 be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.
Teach your children… (From Deut 6)
Ø About God - “the Lord our God is one…”
Ø To love God - “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your strength…”
Ø To obey God from the heart - “These words I command you today shall be in your heart…”
Ø To follow your Godly example - “teach them diligently to your children…”
Ø To be wary of the world around them - vs 10-12 “God brings you into the land…don’t forget the Lord…”
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Teach constantly – driving to the supermarket, to the mall, at the breakfast or supper table… |
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Always being careful not to use hasty or hurtful words… Proverbs 12:18 Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. |
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Use wholesome talk that builds up not tear down… encourages not discourages…(Mouth speaks heart) |
“Impress God’s Word on your children” Be diligent to repeat over & over again… like learning to ride a bike!
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We’re allowing things to come into our homes, five years ago you would never allow in… taking the place of constantly teaching the truth of God’s Word. Our families are becoming more isolated and fractured… we’re becoming desensitized as we allow more garbage and clutter into our lives. |
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Children spend less than 30 minutes per week in meaningful conversation with their mothers and less than 15 minutes per week talking with their fathers. While allowing the “world” to communicate with them for hours upon end… 50% of our children 6-17 yrs of age have a TV in their rooms. Children watch TV an average of 1,680 minutes or 28 hours per week. With 6 out of 10 children living in a single parent household. |
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Experts tell us we have a 25% efficiency rating in listening. We tend to forget 95% of everything we hear within 72 hours! Quick to listen while being slow to speak. Listening is loving, showing you care. It’s often not what is said but how the words and body language was received. Learning to develop good communications skills is essential in our homes. |
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The greatest way to “Impress” God’s Word is by Christ-like parenting… walking the walk before them |
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You can’t teach responsibility… you entrust them with responsibility & let them learn to handle it… |
2. Consistently Discipline your children when they do wrong.
Proverbs 23:13-14 13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. 14 Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.
Proverbs 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
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The “rod” – is a stick, a branch, a staff, it’s a symbol of authority or power over another… |
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Why discipline? – Because of the child’s sinful nature he inherited from Adam. (Bible 101) |
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Only as a last resort, correct with a neutral object – never with your hand… & never in haste or anger. |
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Discipline is when a loving parent inflicts temporary discomfort on his children to spare them the long-range disaster of an undisciplined life… Refusal to discipline when he needs it shows that a parent’s genuine love and concern are questionable. [Calif law to outlaw spanking /20 other countries have it already / Sweden was the 1st] |
Listen to what God says about this subject and NOT what we’re being taught in secular education…
Parental Discipline is Vital…
Proverbs 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.
Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.
Proverbs 29:15 The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.
Proverbs 29:17 Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.
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You must hold children accountable for their actions… a healthy parental authority rejects & corrects wrong behavior but will always convey love to the child (relationship). |
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Moms & dads must be on the same page… presenting a unified front… careful of wedges… |
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Does God discipline you as a believer? What’s his motivation? LOVE… |
God Disciplines His Children… (Pew Bible page 852)
Hebrews 12:5-8 5 And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, 6 because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." 7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8 If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.
Hebrews 12:9-11 9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10 Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Training involves consistent discipline done in love.
3. Collectively Provoke not your children to anger.
Colossians 3:21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
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Be careful of making unreasonable demands, nag, Mt from molehill… Me boss, do as I say not as I do |
Some ways we can embitter our children, to provoke our children to anger & discouragement…
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Overprotection – Never trusting them, fencing them in, sheltering them, they never develop independence…overprotection communicates a lack of trust in them… Children need some degree of freedom to grow, learn & make their own mistakes… |
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Overindulgence – The flip side of overprotection… you let your children do anything they want… coddling, excessively permissive, spoiling the child… too much freedom and the child becomes insecure and unloved… non-correcting misbehavior is rampart today… |
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Favoritism – Never compare children with each other…never single out by giving special gifts or privileges… don’t withhold your love from your child … don’t make him feel inferior to everyone else in the family… |
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Unrealistic Goals – Constantly pushing achievement… pressuring your child to fulfill goals you never achieved… playing sports, activities, cheerleading… They’ll be in the pressure cooker till they finally explode… when they fail or can’t achieve the goal they’ll crushed & embittered. |
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Discouragement – Col 3:21, do not constantly criticize them yet fail to reward them… parents fail to praise or compliment… a child never reaching parents approval… never good enough… always discouraging them… focus on their faults, what they did wrong… the negatives. |
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Neglect – Failing to show your children affection… showing them you could care less about them… treating them as an intrusion… making them feel unwanted and unloved… Neglect has been said to be the worst type of child abuse… they become angry & resentful. |
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Condescension – This is when you refuse to allow them to grow up… putting them down or laughing at them when they do childish things… talking down to them because you are boss & older while they’re nothing… don’t crush or belittle your child… give him time to mature. |
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Withdrawing Love – Never employ affection as a tool of reward or punishment… 1Co 13:7-8… don’t say things like, “mommy loves you when you’re good…” Suggesting you care less for your child when he misbehaves then when he is good – what if God loved you that way? |
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Excessive Discipline – Parents hold the threat of corporal punishment over their heads… boss it over a child physically & verbally… excessive discipline is brutality and abuse… parents must correct in love as God instructs them according to His Word… |
This self-explanatory chart gives us a pictorial to help teach scriptural parenting. Be honest in your evaluation of yourself in the two areas of love and control. The ideal is 100% love with 100% control creating an environment where our children will excel and thrive… obedient and respectful to their parents, to others and to the Lord. If you’re demanding and controlling don’t be surprised if your children grow up rebellious & disobedient. Keep plugging your situation into this chart to see where your children are heading…
Practical Principals…
Ø Children are taught to be what they become.
Ø Stay faithful to maintain a “united” front as parents.
Ø Stronger the love relationship, the less rules required.
Let’s Pray
Adapted from following resources::
The Heritage Foundation - http://www.heritage.org
Family Life - http://www.familylife.com
“Successful Christian Parenting”, John MacArthur; Word Publishing 1998
“The Five Love Languages”, Gary Chapman; Northfield publishing 2004
“Starting Your Marriage Right”, Dennis & Barbara Rainey; Nelson Books 2000
“Battle Cry for a Generation”, Ron Luce; Cook Ministries – NexGen 2005
“Bringing Up Kids Without Tearing them Down”, Dr Kevin Leman; Delacorte Press 1993
